Humanity – Gerald Chow

Reflections of a 30+ “Youth”

As I’m nearing my mid 30s, I’m forced to consider that I am perhaps not as young as I would like to think. Sure, I know I’m not old, but I am no longer the inexperienced, green, young upstart trying to figure out my way around life. I’ve read a lot of articles with titles like “Things you should accomplish by 30” etc, and honestly I feel that it’s worth having my own personal reflections on what it means to be in my 30s.

Generation Gap

For the first time in my career, I’m actually feeling a generation gap. I’ve always thought of myself as a newcomer to the working world, but having fresh graduates in the team and trying to relate to them has proven a bit of a challenge. I’m painfully aware of how I am in a different phase of my career and life, and they are all new and a little wet behind the ears when it comes to the working world. It actually caused me to pause and reflect as I was probably just as positive and hopeful once, and I need to occasionally curb my cynical side a little more. Naturally, I tell myself that I’m being “realistic”, but it is also possible that I am just being pessimistic about things.

Expecting a certain level or professionalism may seem like a high expectation, but I have discovered that smart, young talents are usually hungry to learn and grow, if they are given a certain amount of guidance. Most of them seem to appreciate what we are trying to accomplish, but it is also true that many of them have been fed the myth of “landing that dream job”, but don’t seem to have any idea what it is they actually enjoy or what that “dream job” looks like. In these instances, it can be an exercise in futility to motivate them, even if it is just to stay and finish the project so they can discover for themselves whether this is truly what they like or not like.

As much as I hate labels, I must admit that many of them are a little on the soft side, and calling them the strawberry generation is quite apt in my opinion. Undoubtedly, this does not apply to all of them, but when you see so many of them give up the moment things get a little bit challenging, you start to wonder how things would be so much better if they had cultivated just a little bit of grit. It might not be a fair comparison since circumstances were different back when we graduated, but if things are as challenging as claimed in this generation, with most not able to enjoy the same privileges as their parents, then they shouldn’t give up so easily. I’d like to think a lot of things can be considered learning experiences, but this is not a generation of people who will hunker down and push through. Some might, if a lot of time and effort is invested into them first, and it might be a symptom of the lack of trust they have with current establishments.

Inert Stability

Aiming to transition from “young upstart” to “mid career” has been a great motivator because it allows me to have an ever curious, ongoing desire to learn. I do not ever feel that I have arrived, and this has helped me to grow so much over the years. However, I’ve recently realized I have had to, with increasing frequency, remind myself that I have a lot of experience under my belt and to tap into that when necessary. This is especially true as I am building my team, and while there is still a lot to learn, I need to have a stronger mindset of confidence and self assurance in the work that I have done over the past 10 years.

On hindsight, I realized that my initial few years of working was a time when things were quite uncertain, and despite that, I was quite bullish on taking on new challenges as long as I had the appropriate support. This has always scared me a little because I had no experience to rely on, and pushed through with just a hunch and willpower most of the time. Now however, things are different because problems are solved strategically, based on sound advice and experience. Although there are always new challenges, the approach to tackle them seem to stem more from building on past experiences rather than pure speculation and guts.

I have yet to determine whether this is necessarily a good or bad thing, and I think the truth is that being open to both the risky, YOLO-style approach as well as the calm, collected and conservative approach gives me a depth and flexibility in facing and solving new challenges that I never had before.

Overall, it is very rewarding to mentor someone and watch them grow, and the experience, knowledge and expertise gained has been invaluable in helping groom someone else. Replicating yourself has its perks and I can see why many successful people feel the need to coach and mentor others. I’ve had the privilege to be mentored by others as well, and I can truly say it is one of the key things to help a person grow in his/her career.

Humility

I think I’m quite self effacing, but I also know that with a lot of experience comes a certain amount of pride. In the right doses, pride can be a good thing as confidence and knowing who you are and what you can accomplish builds you to face more and future challenges. However, it is also easy to fall too far, thinking that we have done so much, that we sometimes forget that humility is where we learnt and gained those that makes us so proud of. I’m happy to say that I have not done everything myself, but by standing on the shoulders of those who are older, more experienced than I.

Seeing many who are young, energetic, hungry and hopeful, helps me realize that I cannot rest on my laurels and become a cynical old man (as many “more experienced colleagues” I’ve had are wont to be). I was once like them, and while I might not be in the same position as them now, I remind myself to always retain that drive and persistence. I have never looked down on those who are young, but I do pity those who seem to waste those youthful times. It is a time of opportunities and unlimited potential, and what I wouldn’t give to retain what I know now, turn back time, and do it all over again.

So I have to stay humble, as it is with having these young ones around that I can learn those lessons again, be reminded again, and keep that youthful enthusiasm going. The moment I find myself looking down at a whole generation for being young is when I know I have lost my own edge.

Conclusion

I know I’m not as young anymore, but that is just relative. I am naturally still much younger than many others, with a long journey still ahead of me in my career and in life. Growing and maturing is one of my key tenets in life, and I never want to stop doing that. It’s definitely the easiest to keep it up by framing your thoughts and identity as being “young”, because then you will never feel the need to stop learning.

In the meantime, I’ll just enjoy the fact that I’m doing decently in my career, while still young enough to be gaming, and thoroughly loving it.

Now, if only my wife could see it the same way…

Taming the Mammoth

This article really struck a chord with me. To quote the article, we all have “an irrational and unproductive obsession with what other people think of us.” Especially in Asian culture, inclusiveness and minding what others think dominate so much of what we do. It’s a really good article and I’m not going to repeat it here. You should go read it. You should read it, now.

Plus, the cartoons are cute!

Introverted Intimations

I recently read Quiet by Susan Cain and I must admit I was pretty blown away. I can’t remember the last time I read a book that made me scream on the inside “Yes, that’s me!” so many times. It made me reflect on many things, providing perceptions that are both old and familiar yet refreshingly new at the same time; Like a long lost friend I haven’t spoken to since high school. It argues about how we subconsciously place higher value on extroverted qualities, and I must admit it struck quite a chord with me.

Let me be the first to say that despite what those who know me in real life may think, I’m a classic introvert. I find it draining to be in social situations even though I may enjoy it. I like connecting with people, but more on an intimate one to one level. I have to constantly psych myself up to approach someone new and say hi, especially in a group setting. The scary part is that I’ve gotten so comfortable consciously doing it that I may not even realize when it happens. It is only when I reach home after a full day of interactions which may have been enjoyable, but still find myself exhausted that I have to conclude it takes a lot out of me to be social.

I think I seem extroverted at times because appear unafraid to step out and speak up. It might appear that I do it naturally, but I am not immune to the butterflies, nervous bouts, and anxiety. It is not uncommon for me to start coughing due to nervousness just before going on stage. My trepidation is something I have learned to deal with. Once I am up there, it becomes a lot easier. I’ve always pushed myself this way because I believed being unable to stand up and say something is a sure way of ensuring problems never get addressed, and I dislike not at least TRYING to fix something wrong.

“America had shifted from what the influential cultural historian Warren Susman called a Culture of Character to a Culture of Personality”

“In the Culture of Character, the ideal self was serious, disciplined, and honorable.”

“But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them. They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining. “The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer,” Susman famously wrote. “Every American was to become a performing self.”

Excerpt From: Cain, Susan. “Quiet.” Crown Publishing Group, 2012-01-24. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.

PERSONALITY VS CHARACTER

I'm an introvert and that's okay! — I’m an introvert and that’s okay!

I think it is pretty easy to confuse personality with character. Granted, it isn’t easy to tell the difference. There are many people who have magnetic personalities, whose words and actions just seems to draw people to themselves. They project confidence and strength, which allows them to often be successful especially in the corporate world. Unfortunately, a strong personality is no guarantee of a strong character.

There are probably some better reads out there that differentiate the two. A simple search yielded results such as this, this and this. One has to do with image and perception of others, whereas the other has to do with beliefs, morals, values and attitudes. Personality has more to do with portrayed charisma, confidence, energy, intellect and passion. Character on the other hand, is harder to discern, and usually surfaces only when a person faces a challenge in life.

This falls within the spectrum of introversion-extroversion where a person may naturally tend towards a certain type of personality. Some are more talkative by nature, and connect well with others very easily. This is no guarantee that the person is honest, virtuous, or has a dependable character. Similarly, some may seem aloof or even indifferent, yet show great depth of character when the situation calls for it. Unfortunately, in our world currently, we tend to psychologically link them together, even though there shouldn’t be a correlation between the two. In the end, whether or not one has an attractive personality, I believe it is more important to understand the underlying motivation, which has to do with values and thus the emphasis on character.

WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME

When identifying personality traits, it is always important to realize that it is never always a “good” or “bad” thing, but rather just different approaches to the way we relate to others. While someone may be introverted, there are times when it is necessary to step out and be bold in interacting with others, and the truth is even introverts crave the connection because we aren’t really meant to be alone. On the other hand, extroverts may find the value in taking some time out and having “alone time” to reflect a little by themselves, and rely a little less on external stimulus.

Understanding my Myers-Briggs personality trait (you can check yours here), I can relate to the fact that different people have different preferences, tendencies, and comfort levels. By understanding the differences, it helps us not to see others only through our own lenses and expectations, but temper it with some tolerance and acceptance because we realize how we are all different individually, and the world is a much better place because of this.

After all, I don’t think I would stand it if everyone were like me.

Banana Chinese

Let’s set the record straight, I’m of Chinese descent but:
I don’t speak Mandarin.
I don’t know how to read or write Chinese characters.
My skin is yellow, but I’m white on the inside.
In other words, I’m what many would consider a banana.

I grew up in a place where Chinese culture is very prevalent despite being a minority group. Ironically, even though we were born and raised here, many of my fellow Malaysian Chinese identify first as a Chinese, and THEN as a Malaysian. To some degree I can understand – after all being born Chinese is something none of us have a choice over, but nationality is something we can choose later on when we grow older. But more than just ethnicity or genetics, it is also a conscious choice of culture, and a melting pot like Malaysia seems more like a salad bowl – each part is still distinctly different.

Being Chinese in Malaysia (and to a lesser extent, in Singapore) automatically predicates you speak and understand it. I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve heard the phrase, “Eh, you don’t speak Chinese?” This is typically followed by a dropped jaw and an incredulous look, as if I were a cat which nonchalantly stood on its hind legs and started quoting philosophy. The difficult part is the follow up; “Chinese must learn how to speak Chinese-Mah!” as if I was somehow incomplete or defective because I didn’t.

I grew up speaking English at home, Malay in school and nothing else. Sure I understood Cantonese – my parents speak it at home too. But I am primarily an English speaker; I think in English and have conversations with myself in English (not out loud of course). I had some exposure to Mandarin, but it never really took root, and I felt no affinity with the language. I spent most of my childhood reading both English and Malay (translated) books (library visits was a weekly thing).

I’m quite proud to say I think my command in English more than makes up for my lack of proficiency in a third language. As a result, the cultural input I consume is more Western, and I identified more with Star Wars, Back to the Future, MacGyver and Wheel of Fortune than the Four Heavenly Kings concert or any other Hong Kong drama. Ironically, the only way for me to watch any Chinese show (Mandarin or Cantonese) for the longest time was to read the Malay subtitles!

Most of my friends in high school (secondary school) were like me: Bananas. The good thing was that we got along with everyone regardless of ethnicity because we all spoke English as our primary mode of communication.
Even then, I felt many of those who came from a Chinese educated background was different – they had different values and perspectives. It made me question what it meant to actually be Chinese.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I don’t enjoy Chinese New Year and all the practices, symbolism, tradition and good food that goes with it. It’s a time when the only thing running on television is variety and celebrity shows of famous actors, singers, hosts etc and then some nice Chinese movies (hooray for subtitles!) in the evening. I just find myself questioning a lot because I really don’t identify with a lot of that. I can’t enjoy it because I don’t understand it. I feel a lot happier and “in the mood” during Christmas, although that’s more likely because I’m a Christian. But I’m Chinese too, and the difference is that I can identify and understand Christmas to the fullest, which isn’t the case with the Lunar New Year.

So what am I actually rambling on about? I consciously feel that I’m not fully “Chinese” in a cultural sense. I’m not fully liberated from the traditional beliefs, views and norms of being Chinese. I’d like to think I’m more liberal and “Western”, but that’s simply untrue. The truth is I fall somewhere in between, never quite fully “Chinese” and being able to identify with the way other “more Chinese” people here think, believe and act, yet not able to let go fully of the same traditions and embrace a fully Western worldview. As a result, I often feel confused and wonder about my identity in this area.

I think it’s a unique position and for me, I reconcile it only be choosing what I believe is the best of both worlds. I admire the respect and honor prevalent in East Asian cultures. I also feel being able to stand up and speak out is important, something Western ideals embrace but is harder to be accepted in Eastern ones. The strange dichotomy provides a unique perspective many wouldn’t be able to fully grasp. Thankfully, I think there is a significant number of Anglo-educated Chinese here who share this viewpoint – and it is with this group I identify best with.

Question now is, where are the people in this category and why don’t I know more of them? 🙂

Growth

So the last time I posted, I was frustrated because it was a time of trials, and it’s not like I’m out of the woods just yet. However, I’ve gained quite a bit of confidence lately, mostly due to the fact that I’ve been told that I’ve matured!

So I can only say that the trials I’ve gone through have made me grow up to a higher level. I believe it was all for a good reason and while I may not have “arrived”, I know at least that I have progressed! That is reason enough to celebrate!

Growth is always a sticky point. I don’t ever want to stop, but it also means I can’t stop feeling uncomfortable and keep pushing my own limits. Still it feels good to be going up a level, and one of the greatest feelings to me is looking back and seeing how far I’ve come. It’s a real ego booster!

So don’t stop growing, striving, changing… Did I mention it should be easy? Not easy because there aren’t many bumps along the way, but easy because He will make sure it happens, so just enjoy the show!

Responsibility part deux

It’s funny how after I posted about learning responsibility, I’m faced with the accusation that I’m not taking enough responsibility. It’s really not a nice feeling.

I don’t know what it is with me and D people. Why do all the people around me have the same personality? D people are supposed to be super rare, but they somehow appear in significant numbers in my life.

And if there’s one thing I learnt about D people, is that regardless of what you think, your best response is to just shut up, nod your head and agree even if you disagree. Why argue with a D? They will never consider themselves wrong, and regardless of what I think, cannot agree to disagree, or concede that someone else may have a point. They are so convinced they are right that it is an exercise in futility to engage them. Any point raised just gets refuted, and even if I don’t agree with the rebuttal they will get louder, more verbose, more passionate until I rather just shut up. I’m not conflict driven. They cannot accept that everyone is different, have different views, may have different ideas, beliefs, thoughts… They must all bow down and concede that THEIR ideas, beliefs and thoughts are the only correct one.

So just go along. I mean, why ask for my opinion when even after it is given you will just do what you want – you already know what is “best” after all. Why should I bother since it seems to be more practical that I just follow what you say? So please don’t complain when eventually you feel nobody else is helping you make decisions. The decisions I made you questioned and disagreed with. You neither teach nor guide in decision making, saying I don’t think when I do things, and apparently there is such a thing as dumb questions. So I stop asking. I stop learning. And you blame me for not helping?

This is likely the biggest flaw in my personality – I grew up always agreeing, and therefore it seems I don’t know how to drive or to think.

This is not just about attitude. How do you break out of your shell and step out of your comfort zone when your gut instinctive reaction is always to fall back on the familiar and comfortable? It’s difficult, and it’s tiring, and it’s only when you are forced to that you would grit your teeth and go for it.

I guess sometimes we really need to be plunged into the deep end in order to struggle and be challenged. I thank God in the many difficulties and challenges I face – all opportunities to help me grow and mature.

I hope I will…

Responsibility

Responsibility is just a word, but it’s a big, heavy one when it comes to being an adult. Often, we think that we already “know” what it means to take responsibility. Maybe a lot of you do, but I found out first hand that I wasn’t as responsible as I thought I was, and these few months have been a journey to learn that there’s still some ways to go.

They say that maturity comes from the willingness to accept responsibility, and that is precisely what a lot of people are afraid to do. That sounds very cliché, but while many of us know this in our heads, knowing it in our actions and decisions is a whole other matter.

I’ve tried often to define what it is that can make me mature even further. Is it being bold to take action? Is it understanding and learning more? Is it the tenacity to push on? Is it experience and contemplation? I honestly don’t know… What I do know is that someone who is mature would decide to be bold when needed, to understand and keep an open mind, to keep holding on in difficult times, and to take life lessons as it comes, always growing from each decision and situation, especially over something that he/she is responsible for.

What does it mean to be responsible over something? I used to be very naive about it; Just because I was a “leader” executing does not make me a responsible person. True responsibility is when only a concept or general idea is provided, and we take it, run with it, and do WHATEVER it takes to make it succeed, and that’s the one thing I learnt pretty much the hard way.

See, it wasn’t the execution that made you responsible or mature. If you only worked within the framework that is clearly defined in every way for you, you are just another cog in the system of things. You may be the most efficient cog, but you are running based on somebody else’s design. The responsibility comes when you are given a blank space, and you need to fill up every single part to design and make something that works! That’s real responsibility!

It takes a lot of courage. You have to step out of the safety net and comfort zone. You have to force yourself to think in view of the full picture, because YOU are the safety net, and it is by default a failure unless you make it succeed! It can be a project, a task, a relationship, money, an object, or even an idea, and it all hangs on YOU!

So I’ve gotten my share of being corrected, but I must say it is absolutely important that we understand what it really means to take ownership of something! It is only when we are in that position, and have that thing succeed, that we feel the most fulfilled!

So am I there yet? Honestly I think there’s still a long way to go. But I rest in the knowledge that I’ve grown a little bit more, and I’d like to think I’ve matured because of this. I believe taking responsibility has made me more of a man than I was before, and that in itself is worth the challenges faced!

Growing up – Southeast Asian Guys’ Perspective

I have always been grateful that I have grown up in a good home, especially in this age where love deprived childhoods and absent parent(s) are far too common. Still, it hasn’t always been a bed of roses, and I must say it has been, at times, a grueling experience. I do not condemn my childhood, which in all honesty has been pretty blessed. However, I’d like to share a little about my insights looking back on my growing up years, and take a little peek at the sort of trials and challenges faced by those, like me, who grew up under similar circumstances.

To understand my perspective and experiences, one ought to know a little about the kind of environment that I grew up in. In this part of the world, society is shaped almost evenly by two major cultures. We are, inherently, an Asian society, and therefore place high importance on “Asian values” (I use this term loosely since the general understanding of the Western world is that “Asian” means “Chinese”, which isn’t always the case) such as filial piety and the concept of “face”. However, due to our history, English has been an integral part of our lives, and it follows naturally that English literature, music and movies are consumed thereby affecting our traditional “Asian” outlook in life. Even in the sixties and seventies, my parents were already heavily influenced by the ideas and cultures of the Western world.

REAL MEN DON’T CRY

One of the first things I was told as a small boy was that men do not cry. It didn’t matter that I was only a child. As long as you are male, the expectation seems to be that you should not cry no matter the circumstance. I have been ridiculed, been victim of sarcastic remarks and laughed at for crying, and not just by strangers or outsiders.

I attribute this attitude to the clash in cultures since on one hand, Western society is fine with children expressing themselves, but expect them to learn to control it as they mature, whereas “Asian” society expect children to be well behaved, capable of not causing a nuisance and suppressing their emotions. So “Real Men Don’t Cry” becomes translated into “All Males Don’t Cry”.

You can imagine what it must be like, and it is little wonder that most guys grow up not knowing how to express their emotions. I believe it’s extremely unhealthy, but it does seem like the general accepted behavior is one that is purely logical, with little to no room for emotional responses. One should control one’s emotions, but if it is locked down to the point one cannot feel and express oneself… then one is not truly living. One example would be to take a look at all those stoic people in Japan who never express their true emotions, well they kill themselves at a rate of about once every 15 minutes. The primary cause for this high rate is depression which is in turn caused by failure to cope with social pressure. I don’t think suppressing emotions help you to cope with that much.

And yes, I do still cry when the situation demands it. I think of it as a great strength to me, because it is definitely easier to choose to suppress your emotions to conform to societal expectations rather than to release it as I believe it is meant to, and THEN I will be able to face the issue instead of crumble from the pressure.

SHELTERED YOUTH

Coming from the middle and upper middle class in this region, it is all too common for us to grow up under a “Tiger Mom”. Naturally, many people get up in arms claiming that this sort of overbearing parenting is wrong. Instead of going into a discussion on whether it was good or bad, I’ll just state that to some extent, that was how I grew up. Emphasis on education was priority (I was sent to countless tuition classes), as was “good” values. The result of which we grew up as “obedient” children with good exam results.

Unfortunately, it appears there are also quite a number who due to this style of upbringing face a significant challenge as they mature; They know little about true responsibility and maturity. Unless parents know when to start teaching responsibility and relinquishing their hold on their children to start learning, it is very possible that the child ends up not knowing how to make decisions for themselves. Many that I meet appear to have a disappointingly narrow view of the world even at tertiary education level, aiming to “Score ‘A’s, get a good job, get married, and live a good life”. This fundamentally inadequate perspective IMHO is a direct result of having parents dictate the direction of a child’s life throughout without giving proper room for the child to discover him/herself. Again, I am not advocating that this parenting style is wrong, merely that I believe a balance is important, and knowing the critical point to let go and let the child learn to make choices is one that makes a significant difference in the child’s life.

The controversy to the different parenting methods have been widely debated. Perhaps it is also a matter of priorities. Western parenting prioritizes what the child feels, which is not wrong in itself but too many do so at the behest of good discipline. On the flip side, Asian parenting prioritizes “duty”, and far too many ignore the emotional aspect of the child. To me, either extreme is undesirable, and a sort of balance between the two is, I believe, the sweet spot where I have been most fortunate to be placed in. Having great parents who understand the merits of parenting with discipline and affection makes a very big difference in a child’s life. I know it has in mine.

EXPECTATIONS

Just like many Asian Americans, we struggle often with expectations of who and what we are. Perhaps this applies only to the Chinese, but I have lost count the number of times people have made snide remarks about my inability to articulate proficiently in Mandarin, or to read Chinese characters. Responses like “You’re not Chinese if you don’t speak / read” are far too common. Mostly we learn to ignore such responses, but I can honestly say it occasionally goes a bit too far and I have my own opinions on such thinking.

Let’s be blunt. My ethnicity is Chinese, but I did not learn how to speak or write in Chinese (Mandarin). The view that this makes me somehow deficient causes me to wonder whether the inherent value placed in the expected identity of a person supersedes the value of the person itself. I do not claim, nor try hard to be more “Chinese”, and don’t think my value as a person is any less because of this. Pride is fine and is probably something comes due to strength of a culture. However, when this pride gets to the point it becomes arrogance, I think it undermines what value that culture may have had.

RELATIONSHIPS

I am not entirely sure how truly certain movies portray American culture, but that is significantly different from the local scene, particularly when it comes to girls. In Western culture, it is perfectly fine to be straightforward, and being friendly and approachable is something that is acceptable, even expected, in social settings.

Basically, when it comes to approaching girls, it is perfectly acceptable in the West to do so by simply going up to her and asking for her name and number. In fact, this becomes a positive point as the guy would be viewed as confident and secure to be able to do that. Try approaching a more “Asian” girl, and they’d look at you as if you were a pervert. The first thing that runs across their mind would be “I don’t know you so why should I have anything to do with you?” Ironically, this applies only if the guy isn’t Caucasian. The “right” way to approach them is to find some activity or common ground, and only WHEN there is one, then opening up to talk to them is acceptable.

It seems counter-intuitive that any intentional actions to get to know someone ends up working against you because it is deemed “unnatural”. This probably stems from the significantly more conservative nature of “Asians”. Of course, we are all affected by both cultures, and it really depends on which culture one adopts more that affects whether we end up with a significantly more conservative or liberal perspective when it comes to relating to strangers. Again, growing up in the middle of both allowed me to view the effects of both types, and I have adopted what I believe is a balance of conservatism and liberalism (from my perspective).

These are just some of my perceptions growing up and how they have shaped my outlook in life. I admit I am probably a little more liberal although I am still by most standards pretty “Asian”. I get irritated by those who desire only to live life through auto-cruise having little to no self-actualization and live life by the norm. That is something I could never be satisfied with.

The sensitive subject of race

Black and White Original photo by Phinaphantasy

Racism is nothing new, and there are countless articles on it written by better people than I who can give greater insight into the topic. That said, it is a subject worth looking at even from my not so expert perspective.

The general understanding of racism is a discriminatory attitude towards a person or people solely by virtue of their skin color, or to be more accurate, their ethnicity. Throughout history, people perceive those of a different ethnicity to be less human because they had lower (or just different) beliefs, culture and looks. This perception was propagated by colonists, believing that their culture and race were superior to those who were colonized, and at that time, more often than not, might is right.

I have a theory about how we humans make sense of the world. The essence of it is the forming relationships. We relate apple to fruits just as we relate oranges to fruits. The forming of relationships such as these are the basis for categorization, an important tool our brain uses to understand and conceptualize the things we see, hear, feel and experience. Unfortunately, this also means we inherently create those same links and relate people to attributes (categorization) , even if we may not do it consciously. We may observe a pattern in a particular group of individuals, and then subconsciously relate it to the entire group. We then extrapolate that information to form ideas about others that may fall into the same category. This is why I believe we have certain prejudices that come forth unintentionally.

Additionally, the concept of the “Monkeysphere” where we humans fail to conceptualize individuals as real living and breathing humans with feelings and emotions past a certain point only exacerbates the issue. It is inherently harder to sympathize with a person when we see so many of “their kind” that he/she becomes a statistic.

Unfortunately it doesn’t stop there. The formation of establishments involve people, and naturally, the prejudices and thinking of those who head and run these establishments will to a certain degree, carve what they believe into the very establishments they run. This is where it gets complicated. These establishments may impose rules or regulations that reflect their beliefs about how they view people. For example, the whole concept of Apartheid was simply a classification that certain ethnic groups were beneath and subhuman compared to others, and therefore accorded different rights. This belief was institutionalized, and for some reason, that didn’t sit well with a lot of people. Here’s my take on why:

There is a significant distinction between discrimination that is due to human prejudices, and discrimination by an establishment. It’s one thing when a person feels uncomfortable because you are of a “different color”, it’s another when the establishment labels you differently and thus treats you different. One has an element of human frailty and can thus be easily dismissed or brushed off, but the other is supposed to uphold the concepts of justice and equality as human society views it.

The huge outcry against racism is, I believe, due largely to our concept of justice, where the world needs to be fair and made equal as much as possible. We hang on to the concept that one should reap that which is due to him, and not be a victim of circumstances. Justice as we see it, is when good is rewarded, and evil is punished. We feel indignant, uncomfortable, uneasy when good goes unrewarded or evil unpunished.

Philosophers have long contemplated the meaning of justice, and it is is tied to our sense of rightness and wrongness that we perceive in the world. It is inherent to humans to strive for status quo, where equilibrium is when a person gets what is deserved, and blessings follow the “good” and curses the “evil”. When this equilibrium is distorted, we have the tendency to desire restoration of that balance.

Image by Giulio Laurenzi — Original by Giulio Laurenzi

The issue then, is what constitutes “good” and “evil”? It goes back to the idea of categorization, and how it affects our judgements. I believe we all try to draw a distinction between circumstances vs decisions. One is within our control (and thus can be classified good / evil), whereas the other is something that we cannot do anything about. Categorization actually covers both aspects and it is through this that we form judgements. Good workers are those who are hardworking, take initiative, articulate, responsible… all characteristics describing a person. When we try to add “is Caucasian” into the mix, our alarm bells ring. On the surface, to describe a person as “Caucasian” is not really different from describing him/her as “articulate” in terms of criterion; They are both just characteristics used to form that judgement. What makes them different is that one is a matter of attitude and choice, whereas the other a matter of circumstances. It appears good and evil applies only when there is an element of choice, and if the characteristic is devoid of any choice (like your ethnicity), then it cannot be good or evil.

That sounds simple, but if we delve deeper, it gets more complex. Consider if the criteria for making a judgement is punctuality. If a person is punctual all the time, we say it is a positive trait because things can function more efficiently (activities move according to plan). Also, it’s a choice a person makes to BE punctual. Now let’s say, hypothetically, we could change our ethnicity on a whim. This means that what ethnic group you are from is a choice. Would it then be fair to call someone racist if he/she prefers to work with someone who is say Chinese? Couldn’t you CHOOSE to BE a Chinese in order to be a “better worker”? After all, if that person finds it is more efficient and easier to work, on what basis do I say it is wrong? On the flip side, if all the tardy people in the world band together and demand that they shouldn’t be judged because they are “inherently” tardy, would you accept such behaviour?

It gets even more confusing when we hear news that even our attitudes may not be entirely within our control. For example, extremely short tempered and aggressive people have tended to be viewed as due to their inability or unwillingness to control their emotions, but studies have shown they may be victims of circumstances rather than just because they can’t. It seems that it is marginally harder for them to do so due to their genetic makeup. Before we had this study, no one batted an eyelid if we were to decide to fire someone for being unable to control his/her temper. Now that we know it could have been due to him/her being born that way, has it changed our perspective just a little?

From this viewpoint, I venture to consider how mankind years earlier may have viewed the world and hence formed conclusions about others in pretty much the same way. It was generally ACCEPTED by society back then that those of a “lower” race could be accorded less rights simply by virtue of their ethnicity. This is not condoning their actions, but merely a statement of my opinion on how things came to be. In fact, even now, people have a tendency to prefer the familiar, and can relate better to those of the same ethnic group. While it should not be a standard to judge competency, one cannot deny that it is easier in some situations for someone “select” ethnic groups, but not others, to excel certain jobs. Going back to the example I gave, if you felt that even if the temper problem was not in his control, yet your organization is right to let him/her go, would you do the same for someone who, due to his ethnicity, fails to “perform”, or would you be more lenient? Food for thought.

Avenue Q cast on Broadway on Broadway — Image by Michael Schamis

I personally believe it is impossible to remove entirely prejudices that people may have about certain ethnic groups. As the song from Avenue Q goes, “Everyone’s a little bit racist.” Acknowledging this fact will allow us to move forward to accept that perhaps the best way forward, isn’t to force everyone to “ignore color”, but to learn how to make important judgements based on a suitable criteria, one in which race is a minimal or totally irrelevant factor. I leave the last few lines of the song to end this piece:

Everyone’s a little bit racist
It’s true.
But everyone is just about
As racist as you!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC (Politically Correct)
Maybe we could live in –
Harmony!

Why write?

I started writing my first blog many years back, but it died very quickly within a year. Since then, I have gone through the cycle of reviving my blogging activities and then letting it die a few times over because I never managed to continually maintain them for long. Each time I began, there was a sudden burst of energy and I had this picture in my head where I would churn out article after article that many would like to read. However, over time, the initial exuberance tapers off resulting in an old, out-dated archive which no one ever visits save for myself when I’m feeling nostalgic and need a trip down memory lane.

While I was embarking on this rebirth of my writing passion, I began to wonder what it was that inherently drew me to keep writing so much? Hadn’t the past “failures” taught me that I do not really have the required journalistic aptitude or stamina? Why do I keep coming back to this only to fail time and again? This bugged me because I knew that if I didn’t have the answer, or at least attempt to seek it, this project would not be sustainable.

So, struggling with my dilemma, I decided that in my maiden article I would try and justify why I’m reanimating my seemingly dead journalism attempts. Perhaps it’s some delusion of grandeur. Perhaps it’s just my stubbornness in not wanting to admit “defeat” or failure. Or perhaps it was some other inner desire to simply say what I want to say regardless of whether anyone is interested to listen.

While I was contemplating this, and attempting to do some research, I realized that the times I had such a strong desire to write was usually when there was SOMETHING to write about, and that something was always a new thought or idea that impressed me personally. The “enlightenment” brought about by the new idea became a driving force for me to become an outlet that shared this to others. It didn’t matter that the idea did not originate from me. I bought into the idea. I felt it was something WORTH TELLING.

It’s like when you discover this brand new restaurant that had great service, exquisite taste, and good value for money. You would definitely want to share it with your friends, your relatives, your colleagues and your peers! Have you ever wondered why, though? What drives you to want to take the effort to share something as trivial as a place to eat with others? I believe we all have this urge to share with others about things that we feel strongly about. Some may deem this obnoxious at times, but we can’t deny that such tendencies do exist, and it is so prevalent that there is even a marketing concept built on this phenomenon; The Word of Mouth.

My theory, is that this tendency is based on a rooted desire to be the one who can influence others. We do it with the intention of, hopefully, having the satisfaction to be the one who introduced something new and beneficial to the betterment of our fellow man. We have the desire to make an impact, a difference in the world, even if it is just as small as seeing your friends or relatives know of and enjoy a good place to eat, and it is all thanks to YOU.

Yes, there is definitely an element of egotistical pride in being the one who first brings this to the attention of others. This is especially evident when you hear statements like “And who was the one who introduced you to it/him/her?”. This also explains why some engage in activities like matchmaking. Altruistic? Probably to some extent, but it’s also true that we get a kick out of being a change agent in someone else’s life. I tend to see it as a combination of both. We tell ourselves that we just want to help. However, the tinge of pride will always be there, and it may not be a bad thing if it somewhat encourages altruism. Regardless of what the case may be, it appears that this prideful altruism is a factor in driving people to share.

I recently had a conversation about how some people ought to be grateful for what they have instead of complaining about what they don’t. While I do agree with this sentiment, I cannot feel that we should be contented to the point where we stop being dissatisfied with where we are. That leads only to stagnation in my opinion. Interestingly, Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs comes to mind. We know there are people who do not even have their basic needs met (bottom of the pyramid, the physiological needs) and we should therefore be grateful that we (may) have at least attained the second level, the safety needs? Do we then stop fighting for the next level of needs to be met? I do not see it as ungratefulness if we push for it, even while we are thankful we are not at the bottom. They are not mutually exclusive.

One of the key points of Maslow’s Hierarchy is that the highest need that a man can have, is for self-actualization. This is the need to realize one’s full potential, to become everything that a person is capable of becoming. Evidently, this relates to the concept of us trying our utmost best to influence the world around us, to express ourselves the best way we can, to make an impact in the lives of those around us.

It is important to note that this psychological theory has been criticized as it was formed based on individualistic qualities and disregards other societies which focus more on collective qualities. The basis for the hierarchy is thus brought into question; Do we all really aim for and value self actualization as the highest need? I then thought about this from the perspective of an Asian. Admittedly, we as Asians are more of a collectivist society and we worry constantly about “face”, or what others think about us. This is a domineering trait in most Asian cultures, although there are exceptions particularly those who are exposed to more “Western” influences. Again, no judgement calls here, but it does appear that those who adopt more “Western” beliefs tend to also be more individualistic.

If it were true, then according to Maslow’s Theory, we as Asians would more or less stop at esteem, where achievement and respect from others would be highest valued. This could explain why Asians tend to focus on bread and butter issues and there is a constant pressure to conform to the norm rather than to pushing self expression. The Asians who DO engage in self expression, more often than not tend to have been influenced by exposure to other cultures and values (the power of Western Culture through Hollywood and MTV). Conversely, the ones with a more Asian mindset tend to keep their self expressions in check.

So how does this relate back to my desire to write? I readily admit that I have been heavily influenced by Western culture, much more so than Asian ones. Yes I do retain many Asian traits, but since I grew up with English as my first language, and have been consuming American cartoons, movies and music for as long as I can remember, I would concede that I tend to identify with Maslow’s Hierarchy.

I have always been a big fan of TED talks. I have also tried to introduce others to TED (again, I’m trying to share this IMHO amazing concept with them). Have you ever wondered why TED Talks are so engaging and so interesting? Why do so many count it a privilege to be given the opportunity to speak at TED? It is a platform where we can share the newest ideas and information to others in the hopes that they will better themselves with it. The tagline for TED, is the phrase “Ideas worth spreading”. It appears the sharing of an idea, especially an idea that many believe is good, is something that invokes excitement and something that drives people to organize something like that.

We all have a desire to be the best, greatest person we can be, even if you are more “Asian”. We also desire to spread our influence, to see the effect we have on the lives of others. We take pride in sharing with others because when we come to know something that we believe is beneficial and good for us, we share it in hopes that we can also help make a difference by bringing that same benefit to them. This is the reason why when I feel enlightened, either by a new thought or a new idea, or if I have a strong opinion which may present a fresh perspective to an issue, I fire up my thinking juices and try to convert all the threads of thought in my mind into a decent piece of reading that will, hopefully, make a difference to someone… It remains to be seen if I will be disappointed.