Gerald Chow

Efficiency and Productivity

I always love to explore how things can be done “better”, and being able to find a method, option or approach that increases efficiency, productivity or just making things easier is something that I’m always excited about. This is the main reason why sites such as Lifehacker remain as my favourite websites on the Internet. It is interesting to me to find and learn how to do things better, because I believe life can be lived so much better when things are simpler and more convenient, especially difficult or tedious tasks. This particular tendency is probably also the reason why I chose computing / IT, as I feel a great satisfaction in addressing difficult / complex tasks by simplifying it using technology.

When I first started exploring, most of these were computer related, because computers are logical, and there are usually quite a number of ways to automate instructions or increase the speed at which things are done. Something as simple as learning keyboard shortcuts (Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V) for example, have significantly improved the speed at which I work on the computer, and while I still sometimes use the right-click method, it is significantly easier to use keyboard shortcuts when I am handling big amounts of copies and pastes.

Considering the amount of time I spend in front of the computer (both at work and for leisure) I have saved a lot of time just using these “hacks”. It’s also allowed me to accomplish more, because if I had to manually do a lot of repetitive actions that are simply too tedious, I might actually give up and choose NOT to do it. A good example would be sorting out my music library. For the longest time, I had my library grow unchecked and I had duplicates, spelling errors, funny characters in the song title and files with wrong labels. Only when I found out about the available tools to help me automate this did I actually decide to start doing it. It’s a whole lot cleaner now and it’s a lot easier for me to find a song I want than ever before.

Of course, now that mobile devices and smartphones are here, there is an even bigger scope for such “hacks”. When I first got my smartphone (an iPhone 3GS), it was like my ultimate device, and I used it as my library for books, my MP3 player, news reader, instant Google device, email client, camera, gaming device, and of course my phone. Naturally, it has expanded somewhat and I am now using it also for banking, making payments, booking flights, storing boarding passes or check in information, as a work device, an exercise tracker and more. The scope of what a smartphone can do increases every single day, and it seems that we can consume humongous amounts of information each day. Having so much at our fingertips is great, but only when we focus it in the right direction will we get the reap the maximum benefits, especially if we want improved efficiency and productivity in our lives.

Looking for ways to make life easier, faster, better, or in other words, to “hack” a certain area so we get better results than the conventional method, whatever that may be, is something I do with a passion, and when I find a particularly interesting “hack”, I like to share it with others in the hopes that they might also reap and enjoy its benefits. I’ve probably touched on this before, but I’ve decided to open up a new section here to discuss and share some of the really cool stuff. It’s going to be exciting!

Introverted Intimations

I recently read Quiet by Susan Cain and I must admit I was pretty blown away. I can’t remember the last time I read a book that made me scream on the inside “Yes, that’s me!” so many times. It made me reflect on many things, providing perceptions that are both old and familiar yet refreshingly new at the same time; Like a long lost friend I haven’t spoken to since high school. It argues about how we subconsciously place higher value on extroverted qualities, and I must admit it struck quite a chord with me.

Let me be the first to say that despite what those who know me in real life may think, I’m a classic introvert. I find it draining to be in social situations even though I may enjoy it. I like connecting with people, but more on an intimate one to one level. I have to constantly psych myself up to approach someone new and say hi, especially in a group setting. The scary part is that I’ve gotten so comfortable consciously doing it that I may not even realize when it happens. It is only when I reach home after a full day of interactions which may have been enjoyable, but still find myself exhausted that I have to conclude it takes a lot out of me to be social.

I think I seem extroverted at times because appear unafraid to step out and speak up. It might appear that I do it naturally, but I am not immune to the butterflies, nervous bouts, and anxiety. It is not uncommon for me to start coughing due to nervousness just before going on stage. My trepidation is something I have learned to deal with. Once I am up there, it becomes a lot easier. I’ve always pushed myself this way because I believed being unable to stand up and say something is a sure way of ensuring problems never get addressed, and I dislike not at least TRYING to fix something wrong.

“America had shifted from what the influential cultural historian Warren Susman called a Culture of Character to a Culture of Personality”

“In the Culture of Character, the ideal self was serious, disciplined, and honorable.”

“But when they embraced the Culture of Personality, Americans started to focus on how others perceived them. They became captivated by people who were bold and entertaining. “The social role demanded of all in the new Culture of Personality was that of a performer,” Susman famously wrote. “Every American was to become a performing self.”

Excerpt From: Cain, Susan. “Quiet.” Crown Publishing Group, 2012-01-24. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.

PERSONALITY VS CHARACTER

I'm an introvert and that's okay! — I’m an introvert and that’s okay!

I think it is pretty easy to confuse personality with character. Granted, it isn’t easy to tell the difference. There are many people who have magnetic personalities, whose words and actions just seems to draw people to themselves. They project confidence and strength, which allows them to often be successful especially in the corporate world. Unfortunately, a strong personality is no guarantee of a strong character.

There are probably some better reads out there that differentiate the two. A simple search yielded results such as this, this and this. One has to do with image and perception of others, whereas the other has to do with beliefs, morals, values and attitudes. Personality has more to do with portrayed charisma, confidence, energy, intellect and passion. Character on the other hand, is harder to discern, and usually surfaces only when a person faces a challenge in life.

This falls within the spectrum of introversion-extroversion where a person may naturally tend towards a certain type of personality. Some are more talkative by nature, and connect well with others very easily. This is no guarantee that the person is honest, virtuous, or has a dependable character. Similarly, some may seem aloof or even indifferent, yet show great depth of character when the situation calls for it. Unfortunately, in our world currently, we tend to psychologically link them together, even though there shouldn’t be a correlation between the two. In the end, whether or not one has an attractive personality, I believe it is more important to understand the underlying motivation, which has to do with values and thus the emphasis on character.

WHAT THIS MEANS TO ME

When identifying personality traits, it is always important to realize that it is never always a “good” or “bad” thing, but rather just different approaches to the way we relate to others. While someone may be introverted, there are times when it is necessary to step out and be bold in interacting with others, and the truth is even introverts crave the connection because we aren’t really meant to be alone. On the other hand, extroverts may find the value in taking some time out and having “alone time” to reflect a little by themselves, and rely a little less on external stimulus.

Understanding my Myers-Briggs personality trait (you can check yours here), I can relate to the fact that different people have different preferences, tendencies, and comfort levels. By understanding the differences, it helps us not to see others only through our own lenses and expectations, but temper it with some tolerance and acceptance because we realize how we are all different individually, and the world is a much better place because of this.

After all, I don’t think I would stand it if everyone were like me.

Banana Chinese

Let’s set the record straight, I’m of Chinese descent but:
I don’t speak Mandarin.
I don’t know how to read or write Chinese characters.
My skin is yellow, but I’m white on the inside.
In other words, I’m what many would consider a banana.

I grew up in a place where Chinese culture is very prevalent despite being a minority group. Ironically, even though we were born and raised here, many of my fellow Malaysian Chinese identify first as a Chinese, and THEN as a Malaysian. To some degree I can understand – after all being born Chinese is something none of us have a choice over, but nationality is something we can choose later on when we grow older. But more than just ethnicity or genetics, it is also a conscious choice of culture, and a melting pot like Malaysia seems more like a salad bowl – each part is still distinctly different.

Being Chinese in Malaysia (and to a lesser extent, in Singapore) automatically predicates you speak and understand it. I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve heard the phrase, “Eh, you don’t speak Chinese?” This is typically followed by a dropped jaw and an incredulous look, as if I were a cat which nonchalantly stood on its hind legs and started quoting philosophy. The difficult part is the follow up; “Chinese must learn how to speak Chinese-Mah!” as if I was somehow incomplete or defective because I didn’t.

I grew up speaking English at home, Malay in school and nothing else. Sure I understood Cantonese – my parents speak it at home too. But I am primarily an English speaker; I think in English and have conversations with myself in English (not out loud of course). I had some exposure to Mandarin, but it never really took root, and I felt no affinity with the language. I spent most of my childhood reading both English and Malay (translated) books (library visits was a weekly thing).

I’m quite proud to say I think my command in English more than makes up for my lack of proficiency in a third language. As a result, the cultural input I consume is more Western, and I identified more with Star Wars, Back to the Future, MacGyver and Wheel of Fortune than the Four Heavenly Kings concert or any other Hong Kong drama. Ironically, the only way for me to watch any Chinese show (Mandarin or Cantonese) for the longest time was to read the Malay subtitles!

Most of my friends in high school (secondary school) were like me: Bananas. The good thing was that we got along with everyone regardless of ethnicity because we all spoke English as our primary mode of communication.
Even then, I felt many of those who came from a Chinese educated background was different – they had different values and perspectives. It made me question what it meant to actually be Chinese.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I don’t enjoy Chinese New Year and all the practices, symbolism, tradition and good food that goes with it. It’s a time when the only thing running on television is variety and celebrity shows of famous actors, singers, hosts etc and then some nice Chinese movies (hooray for subtitles!) in the evening. I just find myself questioning a lot because I really don’t identify with a lot of that. I can’t enjoy it because I don’t understand it. I feel a lot happier and “in the mood” during Christmas, although that’s more likely because I’m a Christian. But I’m Chinese too, and the difference is that I can identify and understand Christmas to the fullest, which isn’t the case with the Lunar New Year.

So what am I actually rambling on about? I consciously feel that I’m not fully “Chinese” in a cultural sense. I’m not fully liberated from the traditional beliefs, views and norms of being Chinese. I’d like to think I’m more liberal and “Western”, but that’s simply untrue. The truth is I fall somewhere in between, never quite fully “Chinese” and being able to identify with the way other “more Chinese” people here think, believe and act, yet not able to let go fully of the same traditions and embrace a fully Western worldview. As a result, I often feel confused and wonder about my identity in this area.

I think it’s a unique position and for me, I reconcile it only be choosing what I believe is the best of both worlds. I admire the respect and honor prevalent in East Asian cultures. I also feel being able to stand up and speak out is important, something Western ideals embrace but is harder to be accepted in Eastern ones. The strange dichotomy provides a unique perspective many wouldn’t be able to fully grasp. Thankfully, I think there is a significant number of Anglo-educated Chinese here who share this viewpoint – and it is with this group I identify best with.

Question now is, where are the people in this category and why don’t I know more of them? 🙂

Point and Click Adventure Games

Computer Gaming has been in my life from as far back as I can remember. I started playing them at my cousin’s place each time we visited, and especially in this part of the world, very few people had computers. The Internet was non-existant at the time. The entertainment value of games was not in the graphics, but largely in the story and gameplay interaction. I remember sitting behind my cousin as he played through Kings Quest, unveiling the story and solving puzzles along the way. I felt that was really cool!

I think that was the start of my own journey with point and click adventure games. I fondly remember Lucasarts classics like the Monkey Island series, Full Throttle, Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, Sam and Max Hit the Road, and Day of the Tentacle, Sierra classics like the King’s Quest series, Torin’s Passage, and even Phantasmagoria, at the time requiring a whopping 7 CDs. The dialogue was witty, and the gameplay had a puzzle solving approach which brought hours of entertainment. I remember playing Robin Hood, trying to win the tournament splitting an arrow, and having Indiana Jones find Atlantis – these are some of the moments that defined my early computer game experience.

Over the past 10 years or so however, the genre has seemingly faded into the background, with some occasional gems like The Longest Journey and Syberia giving us a taste of how fun and witty story telling can be captivating and thoroughly enjoyable. However, it hasn’t been a genre that has gotten a lot of attention. Strategy games, RPGs, FPS, and even simulation games seemed to be doing a much better job drawing players and retaining them. Lucasarts all but stopped investing in the genre, and Tim Schaffer, one of the designers of much of the classics at Lucasarts left forming Double Fine Productions back in the year 2000. Other game designers also left Lucasarts and formed Telltale Games, taking over releasing further episodic titles of titles such as Sam and Max and Monkey Island as well as some other game adaptations.

It was a struggle initially, as these new developers and publishers fought to release their games in a time when the market seemed to have eyes only for RPGs and FPSs. Story telling in games appeared to have fallen by the wayside. However, thanks to initiatives such as Kickstarter, things may be looking up. Also, in this age where every IP gets milked for all its worth, new and exciting ideas and IP are uncommon and present a risk that these game developers and publishers face. However, there is a huge demand in the market for fun original ideas, and what better way to establish this than with games that tell a story with wit, humor and character development.

Recently, I’ve had the privilege of playing Deponia and The Book of Unwritten Tales, both fun and interesting releases that make me hope that the genre is again on the rise. Kickstarter has given Double Fine a breath of life, and I hope my contribution to it will further contribute to the revival of this genre. I’m excited for it!

Telling a story

I read this article and I was just thinking that it made a lot of sense. I thought how cool it would be to be a great story teller, to be able to captivate and enthrall listeners. I think being heard and understood is an awesome thing, but it only comes with good communication skills, and a knack for drama in the literary sense…

Over the years, I realized I’m an awful story teller!

It takes a lot of skill to capture the attention of people. Some are born with it, a natural charisma that is magnetic and attracts people. Others work for months and years, and even then not all gain the level of a virtuoso who can command attention by the sound of their voice.

There are many facets of story telling, with words being just one of them. It can be the tone, cadence, gestures, facial expressions, but it all comes together into something that either bores you, or sparks your interest and holds your attention.

The gist of it, the content, can sometimes be unimportant. Truly masterful communicators and story tellers can make their audience stand at rapt attention even if the subject matter is dry and uninteresting.

It’s all about how you connect people to what you are saying. The more connections you can establish in the audience’s mind, the more you they are willing to listen to you.

Story tellers are theatrical people. They perform on to an audience sometimes of only one person. Their communication embodies artistic aspects to express and send out messages that are consumable by the listener. Listeners enjoy it, being able to identify the ideas sent out by the story teller. They relish being open to new and sometimes even old ideas!

Often we have a huge idea or understanding in our heads. We know the concept instinctively, but it is the communicator that manages to share forth that idea in a clear and concise way! I’ve sat in presentations and even napkin drawing discussions where I came out realizing that it wasn’t something new that was shared, but the WAY it was shared was simple and revolutionary, and essentially brought to remembrance the concept that was being communicated much more clearly and effectively in my mind!

The good news, is that this can actually be learned. Articles like the one above give us a clear idea on how we can improve ourselves, but like all skills it takes practice, diligence and lots of trial and error. I’m hoping I can improve, even if just a little bit, my story telling and communicating skills each day. It’s going to be awesome for work, but it’s also important to me as a person. I’ve been striving for a lot of growth the past year, and this area is no exception!

Traveling for work

So it’s been more than a year in my current role, and I’d like to share my views on my current jet-setting lifestyle. Looking back, since I took on this role back in August last year, I’ve traveled to more places within this one year alone, than all my other travels put together in my life! That’s pretty amazing, and I’ve learned a little about how to cope with hectic travel lifestyles.

Firstly, I’ve learned that a good piece of luggage will work wonders for you. I started my travels to nearby places within the region, and the weather isn’t usually much of an issue. I even had my first overseas holiday since I graduated within this window, and experienced my first autumn in Japan. That was an interesting experience although I didn’t have much in terms of luggage then. I got a pretty good piece on sale a couple of months back, and it hasn’t been the same since.

One of the biggest things to note is that checking in luggage is a must when travelling for work. I used to try and squeeze a lot into a small hand-carry sized bag, but that’s absolutely horrible when you have to bring a suit. You should fold it only once, meaning you need a luggage big enough for that. Moreover, it’s pretty convenient to hit the gym while travelling as most hotels have a pretty well equipped fitness centre. With a bigger bag, it’s become the norm for me to bring my gym clothes and shoes so I can work out even while travelling – if I can squeeze in the time that is.

Secondly, credit cards are very important, and since it is on company expense, it makes a lot more sense to use it than paying cash for everything. My claim amounts are done based off statements in my bill, allowing me to ensure I am reimbursed at the same rate I paid out, effectively reducing it to a single currency. This applies much more to more advanced nations which has more services (taxis etc) that accept credit cards. Of course, most big ticket items like your hotel will accept cards, and using it there should be a given. Understandably, places like Bangkok, Manila, Indonesia and KL require carrying more cash around, but the amounts are usually small enough that its fine to just exchange upon arrival at the airport.

I use a single credit card for my overseas trip expenditures, ensuring I have a good view of my expenses. I even use the bill as part of my expenses receipts to show the exchange rate value. There is, however, one issue that I’m still trying to find the best solution to. My expenses vary depending on the place I am going to. A trip to Australia costs significantly more than a trip to Bangkok, and the difference in my claim amounts can at times cause some cash flow issues for me, as I try to set aside a certain amount each month for savings, which makes it hard to track if your savings account is fluid. One potential workaround is to have a buffer in my spending account in the amounts of my highest travel so far (thanks to my sis for the suggestion), and I’m thinking of trying it out to see if that works.

travelinsurance Travel insurance is another thing that’s important. I had the unfortunate experience of having my luggage misplaced on connecting flights, and this has happened more than once! I’ve learned to make it a point to get travel insurance whenever taking more than one flight as there is actually quite high a risk that you will land without your luggage. On my last trip to Montreal, when I had two transfers to make, my luggage was actually stuck in Hong Kong, and it took more than 72 hours to get it delivered to me. Thankfully, the airline was kind enough to authorize me a reimbursement of USD300 for my troubles, but it was a very VERY tedious process. I could have easily made that claim and avoided all that hassle had I got travel insurance (something my HR / Admin staff neglected to purchase together with my flight). Of course it may not happen to you, but it is a crappy feeling to arrive at your destination, half way around the globe, only to find you do not have your luggage with you. I was there for two weeks, and thank GOD it wasn’t winter!

Related to this, is the advice to also ensure you have a hand carry luggage with you that has at least one to two sets of changing clothes with you that isn’t checked in. I was saved because I actually DID have an extra hand carry with two sets of clothes, allowing me to last for 2 days (three because I did my laundry) before my luggage arrived. Of course, once I knew they were going to compensate me for losing my luggage, I went shopping knowing I had just “earned” USD300.

I think I’ll stop here. There are some other things to consider including having medication and managing jet-lag, but I’ll save it for another time. Trips, even if it’s for work, don’t have to be a harrowing experience, and can even be fun and exciting, but only if you learn how to manage it well. Now, if only I can travel more often for leisure… 🙂

Growth

So the last time I posted, I was frustrated because it was a time of trials, and it’s not like I’m out of the woods just yet. However, I’ve gained quite a bit of confidence lately, mostly due to the fact that I’ve been told that I’ve matured!

So I can only say that the trials I’ve gone through have made me grow up to a higher level. I believe it was all for a good reason and while I may not have “arrived”, I know at least that I have progressed! That is reason enough to celebrate!

Growth is always a sticky point. I don’t ever want to stop, but it also means I can’t stop feeling uncomfortable and keep pushing my own limits. Still it feels good to be going up a level, and one of the greatest feelings to me is looking back and seeing how far I’ve come. It’s a real ego booster!

So don’t stop growing, striving, changing… Did I mention it should be easy? Not easy because there aren’t many bumps along the way, but easy because He will make sure it happens, so just enjoy the show!

Responsibility part deux

It’s funny how after I posted about learning responsibility, I’m faced with the accusation that I’m not taking enough responsibility. It’s really not a nice feeling.

I don’t know what it is with me and D people. Why do all the people around me have the same personality? D people are supposed to be super rare, but they somehow appear in significant numbers in my life.

And if there’s one thing I learnt about D people, is that regardless of what you think, your best response is to just shut up, nod your head and agree even if you disagree. Why argue with a D? They will never consider themselves wrong, and regardless of what I think, cannot agree to disagree, or concede that someone else may have a point. They are so convinced they are right that it is an exercise in futility to engage them. Any point raised just gets refuted, and even if I don’t agree with the rebuttal they will get louder, more verbose, more passionate until I rather just shut up. I’m not conflict driven. They cannot accept that everyone is different, have different views, may have different ideas, beliefs, thoughts… They must all bow down and concede that THEIR ideas, beliefs and thoughts are the only correct one.

So just go along. I mean, why ask for my opinion when even after it is given you will just do what you want – you already know what is “best” after all. Why should I bother since it seems to be more practical that I just follow what you say? So please don’t complain when eventually you feel nobody else is helping you make decisions. The decisions I made you questioned and disagreed with. You neither teach nor guide in decision making, saying I don’t think when I do things, and apparently there is such a thing as dumb questions. So I stop asking. I stop learning. And you blame me for not helping?

This is likely the biggest flaw in my personality – I grew up always agreeing, and therefore it seems I don’t know how to drive or to think.

This is not just about attitude. How do you break out of your shell and step out of your comfort zone when your gut instinctive reaction is always to fall back on the familiar and comfortable? It’s difficult, and it’s tiring, and it’s only when you are forced to that you would grit your teeth and go for it.

I guess sometimes we really need to be plunged into the deep end in order to struggle and be challenged. I thank God in the many difficulties and challenges I face – all opportunities to help me grow and mature.

I hope I will…

Responsibility

Responsibility is just a word, but it’s a big, heavy one when it comes to being an adult. Often, we think that we already “know” what it means to take responsibility. Maybe a lot of you do, but I found out first hand that I wasn’t as responsible as I thought I was, and these few months have been a journey to learn that there’s still some ways to go.

They say that maturity comes from the willingness to accept responsibility, and that is precisely what a lot of people are afraid to do. That sounds very cliché, but while many of us know this in our heads, knowing it in our actions and decisions is a whole other matter.

I’ve tried often to define what it is that can make me mature even further. Is it being bold to take action? Is it understanding and learning more? Is it the tenacity to push on? Is it experience and contemplation? I honestly don’t know… What I do know is that someone who is mature would decide to be bold when needed, to understand and keep an open mind, to keep holding on in difficult times, and to take life lessons as it comes, always growing from each decision and situation, especially over something that he/she is responsible for.

What does it mean to be responsible over something? I used to be very naive about it; Just because I was a “leader” executing does not make me a responsible person. True responsibility is when only a concept or general idea is provided, and we take it, run with it, and do WHATEVER it takes to make it succeed, and that’s the one thing I learnt pretty much the hard way.

See, it wasn’t the execution that made you responsible or mature. If you only worked within the framework that is clearly defined in every way for you, you are just another cog in the system of things. You may be the most efficient cog, but you are running based on somebody else’s design. The responsibility comes when you are given a blank space, and you need to fill up every single part to design and make something that works! That’s real responsibility!

It takes a lot of courage. You have to step out of the safety net and comfort zone. You have to force yourself to think in view of the full picture, because YOU are the safety net, and it is by default a failure unless you make it succeed! It can be a project, a task, a relationship, money, an object, or even an idea, and it all hangs on YOU!

So I’ve gotten my share of being corrected, but I must say it is absolutely important that we understand what it really means to take ownership of something! It is only when we are in that position, and have that thing succeed, that we feel the most fulfilled!

So am I there yet? Honestly I think there’s still a long way to go. But I rest in the knowledge that I’ve grown a little bit more, and I’d like to think I’ve matured because of this. I believe taking responsibility has made me more of a man than I was before, and that in itself is worth the challenges faced!

Growing up – Southeast Asian Guys’ Perspective

I have always been grateful that I have grown up in a good home, especially in this age where love deprived childhoods and absent parent(s) are far too common. Still, it hasn’t always been a bed of roses, and I must say it has been, at times, a grueling experience. I do not condemn my childhood, which in all honesty has been pretty blessed. However, I’d like to share a little about my insights looking back on my growing up years, and take a little peek at the sort of trials and challenges faced by those, like me, who grew up under similar circumstances.

To understand my perspective and experiences, one ought to know a little about the kind of environment that I grew up in. In this part of the world, society is shaped almost evenly by two major cultures. We are, inherently, an Asian society, and therefore place high importance on “Asian values” (I use this term loosely since the general understanding of the Western world is that “Asian” means “Chinese”, which isn’t always the case) such as filial piety and the concept of “face”. However, due to our history, English has been an integral part of our lives, and it follows naturally that English literature, music and movies are consumed thereby affecting our traditional “Asian” outlook in life. Even in the sixties and seventies, my parents were already heavily influenced by the ideas and cultures of the Western world.

REAL MEN DON’T CRY

One of the first things I was told as a small boy was that men do not cry. It didn’t matter that I was only a child. As long as you are male, the expectation seems to be that you should not cry no matter the circumstance. I have been ridiculed, been victim of sarcastic remarks and laughed at for crying, and not just by strangers or outsiders.

I attribute this attitude to the clash in cultures since on one hand, Western society is fine with children expressing themselves, but expect them to learn to control it as they mature, whereas “Asian” society expect children to be well behaved, capable of not causing a nuisance and suppressing their emotions. So “Real Men Don’t Cry” becomes translated into “All Males Don’t Cry”.

You can imagine what it must be like, and it is little wonder that most guys grow up not knowing how to express their emotions. I believe it’s extremely unhealthy, but it does seem like the general accepted behavior is one that is purely logical, with little to no room for emotional responses. One should control one’s emotions, but if it is locked down to the point one cannot feel and express oneself… then one is not truly living. One example would be to take a look at all those stoic people in Japan who never express their true emotions, well they kill themselves at a rate of about once every 15 minutes. The primary cause for this high rate is depression which is in turn caused by failure to cope with social pressure. I don’t think suppressing emotions help you to cope with that much.

And yes, I do still cry when the situation demands it. I think of it as a great strength to me, because it is definitely easier to choose to suppress your emotions to conform to societal expectations rather than to release it as I believe it is meant to, and THEN I will be able to face the issue instead of crumble from the pressure.

SHELTERED YOUTH

Coming from the middle and upper middle class in this region, it is all too common for us to grow up under a “Tiger Mom”. Naturally, many people get up in arms claiming that this sort of overbearing parenting is wrong. Instead of going into a discussion on whether it was good or bad, I’ll just state that to some extent, that was how I grew up. Emphasis on education was priority (I was sent to countless tuition classes), as was “good” values. The result of which we grew up as “obedient” children with good exam results.

Unfortunately, it appears there are also quite a number who due to this style of upbringing face a significant challenge as they mature; They know little about true responsibility and maturity. Unless parents know when to start teaching responsibility and relinquishing their hold on their children to start learning, it is very possible that the child ends up not knowing how to make decisions for themselves. Many that I meet appear to have a disappointingly narrow view of the world even at tertiary education level, aiming to “Score ‘A’s, get a good job, get married, and live a good life”. This fundamentally inadequate perspective IMHO is a direct result of having parents dictate the direction of a child’s life throughout without giving proper room for the child to discover him/herself. Again, I am not advocating that this parenting style is wrong, merely that I believe a balance is important, and knowing the critical point to let go and let the child learn to make choices is one that makes a significant difference in the child’s life.

The controversy to the different parenting methods have been widely debated. Perhaps it is also a matter of priorities. Western parenting prioritizes what the child feels, which is not wrong in itself but too many do so at the behest of good discipline. On the flip side, Asian parenting prioritizes “duty”, and far too many ignore the emotional aspect of the child. To me, either extreme is undesirable, and a sort of balance between the two is, I believe, the sweet spot where I have been most fortunate to be placed in. Having great parents who understand the merits of parenting with discipline and affection makes a very big difference in a child’s life. I know it has in mine.

EXPECTATIONS

Just like many Asian Americans, we struggle often with expectations of who and what we are. Perhaps this applies only to the Chinese, but I have lost count the number of times people have made snide remarks about my inability to articulate proficiently in Mandarin, or to read Chinese characters. Responses like “You’re not Chinese if you don’t speak / read” are far too common. Mostly we learn to ignore such responses, but I can honestly say it occasionally goes a bit too far and I have my own opinions on such thinking.

Let’s be blunt. My ethnicity is Chinese, but I did not learn how to speak or write in Chinese (Mandarin). The view that this makes me somehow deficient causes me to wonder whether the inherent value placed in the expected identity of a person supersedes the value of the person itself. I do not claim, nor try hard to be more “Chinese”, and don’t think my value as a person is any less because of this. Pride is fine and is probably something comes due to strength of a culture. However, when this pride gets to the point it becomes arrogance, I think it undermines what value that culture may have had.

RELATIONSHIPS

I am not entirely sure how truly certain movies portray American culture, but that is significantly different from the local scene, particularly when it comes to girls. In Western culture, it is perfectly fine to be straightforward, and being friendly and approachable is something that is acceptable, even expected, in social settings.

Basically, when it comes to approaching girls, it is perfectly acceptable in the West to do so by simply going up to her and asking for her name and number. In fact, this becomes a positive point as the guy would be viewed as confident and secure to be able to do that. Try approaching a more “Asian” girl, and they’d look at you as if you were a pervert. The first thing that runs across their mind would be “I don’t know you so why should I have anything to do with you?” Ironically, this applies only if the guy isn’t Caucasian. The “right” way to approach them is to find some activity or common ground, and only WHEN there is one, then opening up to talk to them is acceptable.

It seems counter-intuitive that any intentional actions to get to know someone ends up working against you because it is deemed “unnatural”. This probably stems from the significantly more conservative nature of “Asians”. Of course, we are all affected by both cultures, and it really depends on which culture one adopts more that affects whether we end up with a significantly more conservative or liberal perspective when it comes to relating to strangers. Again, growing up in the middle of both allowed me to view the effects of both types, and I have adopted what I believe is a balance of conservatism and liberalism (from my perspective).

These are just some of my perceptions growing up and how they have shaped my outlook in life. I admit I am probably a little more liberal although I am still by most standards pretty “Asian”. I get irritated by those who desire only to live life through auto-cruise having little to no self-actualization and live life by the norm. That is something I could never be satisfied with.